My Sister's House (MSH) is the only full-service domestic violence agency in Charleston, SC, operating since the 1970s-1980s. Its clientele is predominantly women (99%).
I was very fortunate to have the chance to speak with Tosha Connors, the CEO of MSH, and through our conversation with her, along with several victims, I have found out how domestic violence is perpetuated—through control, financial dependence, and cultural stigma—and the difficulties of stopping it, such as the fear of retaliation and limited shelter/legal options, and an overal lack of awareness of the issue among the general public.
Insights
In emergency shelters—which is one of the aspects of service that MSH provides—racial demographics are split evenly between black and white, with Hispanic clients comprising about 9%. MSH offers five core services: a private emergency shelter model with transportation and relocation help; individual and group therapy over several months; a 24/7 crisis line for safety planning that includes case management to help clients find housing, employment, and legal support; education and training in school and faith communities; and court advocacy for protection orders and attorneys.
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Cultural, racial, and socio-economic factors influence how survivors experience abuse and seek help. Contrary to stereotypes that domestic violence primarily affects underprivileged Black women, it occurs across all socio-economic levels, though rates are higher among Black and LGBTQ individuals. Many victims, financially dependent on their partners, struggle to leave, while others stay due to love, damaged support networks, or religious and community pressures to preserve marriage. On average, it takes 7-10 attempts for a victim to leave an abusive relationship. South Carolina's entrenched gender norms, lack of adequate policy and funding (such as a one-year separation requirement for divorce), and societal pressure exacerbate the problem, with victims often facing physical danger and a lack of belief from others. MSH works to raise awareness through school programs by educating children early on, partnerships with law enforcement and hospitals, and training advocates (like MUSC social workers and LEVA) to contact them if they suspect signs of domestic violence. They emphasize the importance of letting victims choose whether to leave or stay; they are only there to provide guidance.
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The organization faces challenges such as being underfunded, understaffed, and constrained by confidentiality laws, as well as societal reluctance to address domestic violence, particularly in South Carolina, where gender norms and victim-blaming attitudes are strong. Ordinary people can help by having open conversations about abuse to encourage victims to speak out and seek help, and through services that collect used items like cellphones for survivors.
Based on this rising issue with the systems of Domestic Violence...
"It Sounds Really Dire Because It Is Really Dire" isn't a headline so much as a warning siren. It opens with six survivors and a dog, crammed into a van, hauling their lives in garbage bags—not because they weren't welcome, but because fixing the roof of their safe house felt like too big a gamble.
Reading it pulled me back to a conversation I had with the CEO of local domestic violence shelter My Sister's House in Charleston. She described the same crisis: relentless funding cuts paired with understaffing. South Carolina ranks sixth in the nation for domestic violence, yet organizations on the front lines are asked to do more with less.
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What struck me most wasn't just the strain on resources—it was how little people talk about domestic violence. Although uncomfortable, the issue remains hidden until awareness comes too late. That silence doesn't appear overnight, and if we let it harden, the damage becomes harder to undo.
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This article made me realize that without public awareness, even the most dedicated shelters can't fight this battle alone; community attention is as vita nowl as funding. This is especially important to ease the strain on these shelters. We can't wait for the moment someone needs help to start the conversation. It has to happen earlier so people recognize the signs and know where help is available.
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The conversation must begin long before a leaking roof becomes the least of someone's worries.
Conversation Clip with Tosha
Victims at MSH Shared Their Experience...
Kay
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Kay met her boyfriend online at the end of 2019 and quickly fell in love. They were living in the Mid-West and in their early 30's. Everything seemed to be going well in the relationship. Kay was frequently told by her boyfriend, "Ricky" that he loved her and thought she was the most amazing woman on earth. Once Covid hit in 2020 and lockdowns ensued across the U.S., Kay and Ricky decided to pack up, work remotely, and travel to some of their favorite locations. They spent the next year living out of their car and renting Air B&B's along the way. In the summer of 2021, Kay and Ricky found themselves in Charleston. They had frequently seen Charleston listed as the top US destination to visit. However, Kay ended up well acquainted with one of the local hospitals and the law enforcement on Folly Beach instead of strolling the artwork downtown and trying the local cuisine. After a violent beatdown on Folly Beach one afternoon, Kay was left beaten and without a phone, her wallet, or any of her belongings. Fortunately, another beachgoer called 911, and law enforcement transported Kay to the hospital. After her initial assessments, the social worker at the hospital and law enforcement both encouraged her to call MSH. We were able to bring Kay into shelter and immediately began working with her to get copies of her license and social security card. We were able to provide her with an unlocked smartphone with available minutes due to local partnerships in our community. She had a safe place to connect with her family back West, and our case managers worked with her to figure out the next steps. Kay wanted to go home, but her family did not have the capacity to fully support her at this time. We connected with a local DV agency in her hometown and collaborated on next steps and shared resources. We paid for Kay to fly home. During her time with us, she was able to have a safe place to stay, food, and hygiene products. She also worked with one of our therapists to process the trauma she had been experiencing since the beginning of her relationship with Ricky. A staff member from the other DV agency met her at the airport and was able to transfer her to a safe location. She was able to connect with her family and rely on them for emotional support during her time of transition.​
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Maria
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​We recently brought a woman into the shelter who was shot in the stomach by her abuser. She lived, but she is unable to work. She has to find a rehab facility, and neither she nor her family has the funds for the long-term care that she needs. She is working with the case manager now to see if they can find resources to help pay for this long-term. She is also working with our court advocates to locate appropriate legal counsel. This case is pending…